During yet another fabulous trip last summer (to AZ and MT), I found myself alongside the gifted coach and horse whisperer, Koelle Simpson. As she guided me through a variety of exercises with horses, I learned a lot about my beliefs around failure. During one exercise, the desired outcome was for the horse to see me as his leader, a compelling energetic force that he’d be drawn to without my uttering a word.
As far as I was concerned, the point of the whole exercise was to succeed, and to do it as well as or better than the rest of the group I was with. (Trust me – this was one impressive group of people!) I went into that ring, ready for a competition. My heart was pounding, and I was nervous. No matter what I tried, that horse just wasn’t buying my offer. I wasn’t compelling enough. I felt like a total failure and was close to tears.
Each time I tried something that didn’t work, Koelle said “No big deal. Now you know.” She said to keep trying different things because some will work, and some won’t. I’d call that an apt metaphor for life. Everything that life hands us, or that we make happen through trial and error, provides us with information. Sometimes, though, we’re so caught up in our own definition of “success” that we fail to see the lessons before us.
Despite the fact that the horse didn’t follow me that morning, I learned about my body language, and what I was projecting out into the world. Although I wasn’t using words, my body was saying I wasn’t confident, I was worried about doing it right, and wanted so much for that horse to like me. As I thought about it, I remembered some recent events in my life where I’d projected the same energy, and had gotten zero results. Oh well. No big deal. Now I know what didn’t work, and it’s time to try something else.
The next day, I tried again, only this time with ten horses instead of just one. I decided I was just going to go in the pasture with no pre-conceived notions about anything – not how I’d do, not what I should accomplish, not what the horses thought of me. I was just going to enjoy being with those beautiful creatures. And, lo and behold, they followed me. When I wasn’t trying, I was quite compelling.
Where in your life are you trying too hard? Are you so caught up in the outcome that you’re missing the lessons before you? Try Koelle’s approach: Keep breathing, relax, be truly in the moment, with nothing but joy in your heart. And see if you don’t have ‘em following you, too.
