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This morning, I received a note in my inbox from TUT that said
“You only ever have to do what you’re capable of doing, Christina, because by design, no matter how things appear, you’ll always have enough time to do it, you’ll do even better than you would have thought, and life will get even richer than you could ever have imagined.
Chic-a-boom,
The Universe”
TUT* sends me inspirational messages that are funny, kind, loving and generous – sort of like the universe. This particular message struck a chord in me because I’ve been feeling tired, sluggish, overloaded and just plain out of ideas. Being a solo-preneur, this phenomenon leads me to worry about money. And of course, worrying about money never brings more money. It just brings negativity and fear.
So, this note shows up in my inbox, and I laugh. Why? Because my life to date has been a total confirmation of this message; the important things get done when they’re supposed to (even if not on the date written on my to do list), I most always do even better than I thought, and my life has most definitely been far richer than I ever imagined.
This message inspired me to lean into the feelings. If I feel tired and sluggish, I’ll rest. If I feel out of ideas, I’ll stop trying to create for a little while. If I feel overloaded, I’ll say “no” more often.
And, I’ll get back on the Exquisite Self Care plan. Exercise, clean foods, time with great friends who inspire me and make me laugh, and lots of good books. And maybe I’ll clean out a closet. Or maybe not. (Very likely not!)
It’s all so simple, and yet as a client said to me recently “we all make it so much more complicated than it has to be.” What I know for sure is that I’ll let August unfold slowly, with nothing but the intention to take it easy on myself. Because when I do, I’m usually surprised by how much good comes into my life.
I hope you have a great August, too.
During yet another fabulous trip last summer (to AZ and MT), I found myself alongside the gifted coach and horse whisperer, Koelle Simpson. As she guided me through a variety of exercises with horses, I learned a lot about my beliefs around failure. During one exercise, the desired outcome was for the horse to see me as his leader, a compelling energetic force that he’d be drawn to without my uttering a word.
As far as I was concerned, the point of the whole exercise was to succeed, and to do it as well as or better than the rest of the group I was with. (Trust me – this was one impressive group of people!) I went into that ring, ready for a competition. My heart was pounding, and I was nervous. No matter what I tried, that horse just wasn’t buying my offer. I wasn’t compelling enough. I felt like a total failure and was close to tears.
Each time I tried something that didn’t work, Koelle said “No big deal. Now you know.” She said to keep trying different things because some will work, and some won’t. I’d call that an apt metaphor for life. Everything that life hands us, or that we make happen through trial and error, provides us with information. Sometimes, though, we’re so caught up in our own definition of “success” that we fail to see the lessons before us.
Despite the fact that the horse didn’t follow me that morning, I learned about my body language, and what I was projecting out into the world. Although I wasn’t using words, my body was saying I wasn’t confident, I was worried about doing it right, and wanted so much for that horse to like me. As I thought about it, I remembered some recent events in my life where I’d projected the same energy, and had gotten zero results. Oh well. No big deal. Now I know what didn’t work, and it’s time to try something else.
The next day, I tried again, only this time with ten horses instead of just one. I decided I was just going to go in the pasture with no pre-conceived notions about anything – not how I’d do, not what I should accomplish, not what the horses thought of me. I was just going to enjoy being with those beautiful creatures. And, lo and behold, they followed me. When I wasn’t trying, I was quite compelling.
Where in your life are you trying too hard? Are you so caught up in the outcome that you’re missing the lessons before you? Try Koelle’s approach: Keep breathing, relax, be truly in the moment, with nothing but joy in your heart. And see if you don’t have ‘em following you, too.
Recently I had a setback. Not a big one in terms of my overall life, but a setback all the same. I lost my voice. I tried to talk, and only rasps and scratches came out. Accompanying the voice loss was a total lack of energy. I spent the better part of five days in bed or on the sofa. When I finally went to the doctor, it turned out I have severely infected tonsils. Once I’m through the course of antibiotics, my voice and energy should come back and I’ll be fine.
As I’m wont to do these days, I looked for the lesson. Typically, when I get sick it’s because my body’s telling me to slow down. I’m rushing around too much, or I’m not paying attention. Okay, so I slowed down for five days, and I was still squeaking. Why wasn’t my voice coming back? When I dug a little deeper, I realized it was because I got lazy.
About using my voice, that is. I wasn’t speaking up for what I wanted. I wasn’t speaking up for my business. I was starting to get caught up in a story (a.k.a. “lie”) about what would happen if I tried new things or said what was really on my mind, so I began quietly retreating out of fear, or just to keep the peace.
So…I got a reminder. I could almost picture a movie-like scene, in which I’m sitting huddled in a dark corner and there’s this God-like voice, bellowing above as thunder roars and lightning flashes: “You weren’t using it, so I took it away. Get clear about what losing your voice really means. Do you still want to stay quiet or do you wanna belt out those notes you’ve been scared to sing? Get busy, girl, or I’ll take it away again.”
Okay, already. I got it, and I got busy (in between naps). Here’s what I did to get clear on what I wanted to say:
Shut Up and Listened: Enough said! 
The Terms and Conditions Exercise: Many of my clients will speak of times that they’ve felt overwhelmed, overpowered, or simply unheard by friends, clients, loved ones, bosses, etc. It’s as if they’ve gotten lost in the sauce, and don’t know how to get their own voices back. To gain clarity, the following exercise works really well:
Complete this sentence for each role in your life: “These are the terms under which I will be your _____________.” (think: friend, employee, significant other/spouse, patient, client, parent, sibling, child, customer, etc.) Think about the way you expect to be treated (notice that I didn’t say “want”), what you want out of being in a relationship with them, and so on.
The language may seem a bit intense, but once we’re clear about our “road rules” for each relationship, we’re better able to articulate our needs, recognize if/when they’re not being met, and make a decision about how to correct problems. When I began this process, those “aha” light bulbs went off all over the place. I recognized where I’d been unclear, and “voiceless.”
Made Lists: I don’t know about you, but I’m a sucker for lists. So I made a bunch…workshops and speech topics, partnership opportunities, opportunities for personal and professional growth, and steps to move my life and business forward.
So when that voice is back, watch out everyone, ‘cause it’s gonna be big and powerful!
I recently received two unsolicited testimonials from people whose opinions I highly respect and value. I was grateful for their kind words, as testimonials are a powerful marketing tool.
On a deeper level, I was touched because the praise meant that I’d impacted someone’s life enough for them to take the time (without any prompting) to write about the experience. That, dear readers, is my mission and purpose: to impact people in ways that change their lives for the better.
While I don’t go out seeking testimonials, I do go out into the world with every intention of being of service to others, to “pay forward” the help and guidance I’ve been given over the years. I firmly believe in the “small give,” similar to the concept of “The Big Give” (Oprah’s popular show on ABC), but smaller and possibly more subtle in nature and in immediacy of outcome.
What, in the present moment, can you give to the person or people you’re with? Share information, donate a moment of time to listen, pass on an article or web site that will help someone get ahead in business, write a testimonial for someone who provided great service…there are an infinite number of ways for us to help and appreciate one another.
After receiving the testimonials, I asked myself how I could pass on the kindness I’ve been given. I decided to write a testimonial on LinkedIn for someone who’d done great work helping me set up my company’s financial systems. She didn’t ask me to do so; I’m just paying it forward. And I hope she will, too.
The more I give, the more I enjoy each day. And, in a great big way, the more I get back, too. I have a theory about this: When you’re doing what you love, living the life you truly want and have created for yourself, the testimonials just come with the territory.
Are you living a testimonial-worthy life?
