February had a lot of us thinking about love. Some of it was that “hearts and flowers” stuff, prompted by the serious marketing of card and candy manufacturers. I’m not talking about romance, though. I’m talking about the love that happens in relationships – grown-up, real relationships.
Starting with the relationship you have with yourself.
Because of my years in HR, I’m really good at sizing people up quickly. I can spot a phony a mile away, and one of the easiest phonies to spot is the person who’s faking self-love. You know, the person who’s trying to convince you to like them while they’re really not liking themselves very much. It’s that graspy, clingy sort of vibe that comes off a person. I don’t know about you, but that vibe doesn’t attract me; it repels me.
If you’re not in love with yourself, others won’t be, either.
I’m not talking about obnoxious, conceited, “I’m the best damned thing that’s happened to this planet” stuff. Ego doesn’t help here. I’m talkin’ about BEING love.
Yes, you heard me. BE love.
First, treat yourself well. You can take bubble baths and long walks in the woods, if that’s your thing. But I’m talking about self-respect. About honoring your Self. About being clear about what you need and want, and about what feels good and what doesn’t. Knowing for sure, just in this moment, what feels right to your body, heart and soul.
Then, be love. In every situation, think about how you can create it – how you can show it, not seek it. What it would feel like to do the most love-filled and compassionate thing in that moment.
Why does this matter?
Whether you’re looking for a new job or a mate, starting a business or trying to figure out what’s next in your life, a sure-fire way to move the process along is to listen to your heart. That thumping organ inside your chest is a sophisticated instrument with more “pull” than we previously knew. Turns out that the heart sends more info to the brain than the brain does to the heart.
I could get all scientific on you here, but I’d make an idiot of myself. Neurocardiology is a pretty cool field and the folks at Heart Math are doing lots of research about heart coherence. Check them out if you need data to support what I’m saying, and I’ll stick to talking about what my gut knows: when we move through the world as loving beings, when we’re clear and honest and filled with love and appreciation in our hearts, we’re awfully compelling. When we’re fearful and negative, worried or combative, we’re not.
Pretty simple. You decide.
Here’s my story and I’m stickin’ to it: Love always wins.
Yes! I believe there’s an epidemic of self-dislike in this country. It’s so pervasive, that we assume it’s normal. We listen to mean self-talk because “it’s just me thinking to myself.”
I belief every loving connection make is built on a solid foundation of self-love.
I can’t say it any better than you did: “First, treat yourself well. You can take bubble baths and long walks in the woods, if that’s your thing. But I’m talking about self-respect. About honoring your Self. About being clear about what you need and want, and about what feels good and what doesn’t. Knowing for sure, just in this moment, what feels right to your body, heart and soul.”