Man, have I been a resistant puppy this month! I’ve been finding excuses for everything: “I can’t do this,” “It won’t work,” “I don’t have enough money,” “It’s hot and I’m tired,” “It’s too hard,” blah blah blah. I decided that a new script was in order. Here’s what I told myself: Get. Over. Yourself. Now.
What is it about resistance? Why do we fight the energy that brings us what we dream of? Darned if I know, but here’s what’s helped me:
1. Whining (oops, I mean talking) to a friend – Every now and then blurting out all my crap feels cathartic, because sometimes even a coach doesn’t want to be coached (imagine that!). I recently called my friend Betsy and let it rip. And she came up with a brilliant idea for publicizing our “re-treat” in Spain in a far bigger way than I would have imagined.
2. If it feels hard, stop pushing – I’ve been pushing and pushing, and doing still more pushing, trying to make stuff come together. And then I was exhausted. And nothing had come together. I slowed down, took a deep breath, and read a trashy novel. And then I had an idea. So I read a few magazines. And then I had more ideas about new products and services to offer my clients. (I’ll say more about that soon.)
3. Look at the thoughts – When I finally slowed down long enough to notice the belief that I had to work hard, and that letting things flow was just lazy behavior, I laughed. What was “hard” was my thinking; I’d become so rigid about how things were “supposed to” flow that I couldn’t see any other options. It sounded so counterintuitive to “work easy” or “play hard,” when in fact that’s exactly what I suggest my clients do to find their right lives. So, I’m taking Fridays off for the next few weeks, to work easy/play hard.
4. Make something, anything at all – It’s been a while since I’ve made something. Sure, I write all the time, and dream up things to do, but making something tangible, like knitting a scarf or sewing a pillow, or painting a picture…not so much. When my clients are feeling as though nothing’s coming together, I often suggest that they go to a toy or crafts store and find a kit or supplies to make something. One client made a placemat. Another made an airplane from a kit. Engaging the right side of our brains and boosting our sense of efficacy does a world of good.
As the old saying goes, “What we resist, persists.” When we’re not engaging in battle, there is no battle. When I stopped fighting the fact that things weren’t coming together as planned, I found much better ways to do them. My friend Ashley loves to remind me that the universe has far bigger dreams for us than we can imagine for ourselves. When I stop thinking that I have to have all the answers, the ones I most need show up.
So, where do you need to get over yourself? Where are you blocking the peace (in your mind, body and spirit) that nurtures the creativity to find your right life? Take a hint from my man, Lao Tse (see the excerpt from the Tao te Ching, below), and consider a little nothing-doing, sprinkled with some non-forcing, and maybe some creativity, and see what happens.
“In the pursuit of knowledge, every day something is added.
In the practice of the Tao, every day something is dropped.
Less and less do you need to force things, until finally you arrive at non-action.
When nothing is done, nothing is left undone.
True mastery can be gained by letting things go their own way.
It can’t be gained by interfering.“
